binged and purged

i b/p today. sighz. i was planning on fasting but then i had to babysit, and you know kids and there delicious food... haha. so i ate....

-3 small bowls cheezy popcorn.
-7 starburs.
- granola bar
- brownie
- 4 swiss rolls.
- fruit snacks
- idk what there called. there like chessy quafers or somthing? yeah a whole bag of that.
- and some chocolate popcorn.


TALK ABOUT FAT ASS. my laxatives kicked in early last night for once. it was like the worst cramping of my life. i didnt even crap that much. i was pissed.

i made 45 dollars from babysitting! woohoo. im prob gonna blow it all on cigs and alcohol. i get my weed free so no worries about that. lol. hopefully i dont spend it on food.

goal for tomorow:500 sit ups. 100 in the morning- 100 after church- 100 at 3:00-100 at 7:00 - 100 before bed.

blech. my fat tummy repulses me. i weighed myself at the house i babysit for because they have one of those digital scales and i dont. it said 121.4. i feel like ive gained though. even though i did purge everything up.

I'm just gonna take it as it comes with eating tomorrow. I'm just gonna count calories. say no to food when I need too. pay attention to serving size. hopefully no more than 800 calories.

I haven't cut in almost two weeks! I'm so proud of myself. hopefully I go longer. I know I can. I don't need to cut.

so, i've been thinking about recovery lately for my ED. idk. I'm sick of binging and purging. but I would still be gladly to eat 500 calories a day, and thats not healthy either. so It's like I would just be handing my bulimia over for anorexia. sometimes I wish I was anorexic. I know that's fucked up. I don't know, I used to eat so little and never have a problem. now all I do is binge, and it's hard for me to eat 800 calories. thats fucking a lot. I just need to have some willpower. I don't like binging and purging. but if I said I was gonna recover, then I should be eating healthy too. 1200 calories seems like a binge to me honestly. whenever I eat over 1000 calories I just call it a binge. I don't know.

well, I'm done here. duces!