binged. couldn't purge. took laxatives.
me hate laxatives.
two days in a row of binging
someone tell me why i suck so bad?
i need self control. i have it in me, it used to be so strong. food used to scare me. I would never wanna eat it. now it's like if my dads like "you want mcdonalds?" im like hell yeah and eat like two big macs and a large fry. lol
i think im gonna take a nap. it's only 3:30 in the afternoon, i woke up at eight today for dance and usually ima asleep right now. gahh.
tomorrow, 500 calories! I WILL DO IT. I PROMISE YOU.
too scared to weigh myself. not weighing myself until i don't binge. I'm prob like 127 ish by now. oh god i would cry.
why did i take laxatives? I HATE THEM. oh well I deserve the pain.
my friends want me to hang out tonight, but i have a feelin ima have a pretty "shitty" night if you know what i mean,lol. so idk if ima go out or not. im probably gonna be depressed if i end up staying here, but idk. oh well. hopefully the laxatives kick in before the morning, because that would suck. im probably gonna eat somthing when i wake up from my nap so they get to a going.
i miss thin. wahhh.
I'm gonna go write on peoples blogs.
toodle loo.
OK someone has to point it out, so I will... listen to the way you are talking to yourself, my dear. Is it any wonder you keep 'failing'? You put yourself down over and over, say the meanest things ever to yourself, and then wonder why you keep sabotaging your own progress? Lighten up, don't listen so much to the voice in your head telling you those things, it is lying. You are better than this.
ReplyDeleteThis was very nice. it made me smile :)
ReplyDeleteI do agree, I am really hard on myself. I just feel as if I deserve it. I feel I deserve so much worse really.