so heres my number, so call me maybe

i wanna change my life.

i don't wanna smoke and drink anymore. i wanna find jesus. i don't wanna hang out with the negative influences that certain people have on me.

i just wanna change things. idk.

maybe im changing because of danny? who knows. i mean we still have sex which probably isn't very jesus like. who knows. i just want things to change.

i want danny to go to church with me. yay.

3 more weeks of school till summer. seriously i can do this. it's almost over.

i wanna stop binging so much. tomorrow i'm restricting. i have to work so it shouldn't be that hard. hopefully i just don't get put on much breaks because thats when i eat. oh well.

me and danny have been dating for two months. he makes me so happy and makes my life so much more worth living. i love him. <3

wooo they changed this site

cool i guess.

i started my period which is why i think ive been so moody lately. who knows.

ive been b/ping so muich its gross. im fasting tomorrow no exceptions.

i told danny about my eating disorder. he said he already knew.

i need to go to sleep. i have gay ass school tomorrow. only 4 more weeks till schools over. im just counting down the days...

havent gone to school for two days

lol i hate school

and i hate life.

i think this medicine might be fucking me up. idk. i've just been really depressed and suicidal lately and i've been binging and purging way more. i've been thinking more and more about suicide.

my relationship with danny is turning unhealthy. he's almost like a drug. i need to step back from him. like imagining him leaving my life would just fucking kill me.

why did he have to fucking take my virginty? if we were to never have sex i would not be feeling like this. ugh. fuck.

i just want to be a virgin again. don't get me wrong i love sex but shits not even worth it. why the fuck am i so stupid?

i just wanna go throw up more. my stomach and throat hurts so bad but i'm probably gonna b/p again later. because thats all i wanna do. i might exercise at 2. i go to work at 4.

i don't give a fuck if i'm hurting myself. in fact i want to hurt myself. i'm gonna fast tomorrow. i'll be fine.

why am i so fucking sad? wtf? i just want to cut. i think danny would break up with me if i cut. isn't that kind of fucked up? he doesn't understand but i dont expect him too. he's a guy.

he thinks i don't have any reason to be upset and in reality i don't. its just the way i was born. i've always been unhappy technically. i was scared of everyone when i was younger and always shy. i never wanted to leave the house. I'm still like that. I feel like everyone is going to hurt me, not physically, just emotionally.

sometimes it makes me wonder if somthing happened in my childhood that i don't remember to why I've always been like that. idk. maybe it's cuz of my mom. always putting stuff in my head. idk.

i wasn't raped or molested. i was never abused. i should be happy. but I'm not. I'm fucking not.

i'm just a whiny little bitch bitching about stupid shit. cool i have an eating disorder. cool i'm fucked up in the head. lets throw a cry fest party for me. omg i'm fucking pathetic.

words can't describe how much i hate myself. fuck this shit.

school tomorrow

crying

actually im a little happy just because i know it will get me out of my b/p cycle because ill be more occupied through out my day.

i dont know if my medicine is giving me mood swings but ive been pissed the fuck off lately.

danny doesn't like my prom dress. he was being so mean about it i almost started crying.

wah. idk. life sucks. i just want to cut so badly. ugh. i just need to go to sleep and forget about everything. night.

take me awayyy.

so i havent wrote in awhile. idk i guess there hasn't been much to say.

i've been binging more which is not fun in the slightest. im getting big and i dont like it. i dont like me.

god i'm disgusting. just looking at me makes me want to throw up.

im on spring break so ive been home all the time which triggers me to binge.

i ditched my friends today for danny. i feel bad.

i kinda just wanna go away from everyone. just me and danny. i would be happy with that.

his ex girlfriend is trippin over him and saying shes gonna kill herself and stuff. wtf. i feel bad for the girl i guess.

i need sleep. i feel odd. im never actively suicidal ya know? the reaction just comes sometimes and it makes me think about it. like right now. but its been a long time since i really really wanted to die.

things wont change no matter how hard we try.

i binged today. wahh. i feel bloated.

i started my prozac yesterday but i fucking lost the bottle. what the flying fuckk?!

me and danny are good. not much to say there.

i'm tired. tomorrows are last day before spring break. thank god because i'm fucking sick of school.

i need to sleep. i need to catch up in school. i'm going early tomorrow to get help woohoo.

my eating disorder is probably the only thing bad about life right now. if that went away then i would be happy.