Drunk and sad but what's new

I've turned into such a slut in the past month and I liked it because I was having sex and not feeling attached to these men and just enjoying myself.

But last night I had sex with such an intelligent attractive sexy man. We met online and he bought a hotel and dinner and lunch. And he drove 5 hours to see  me. I think he doesn't like me now though! :(

I look skinnier in my pictures but truth is I'm not and now I think he's regretting it. I don't think he likes me it could just be my mind talkin but come on like this guy is omg and he's 28 and I'm nothing to him and I'm just nothing I feel like. I wanna text him but I don't know. I want to cut myself so badly Omg I start fucking school tomorrow too.

Please just let me die please. I want to die so fucking bad. I just binged and purged and it sucks because not enough if coming out just the tacos I ate.

I'm sorry for whoever is reading this because it was  fuckjbg dumb

Fuck me

I didn't eat anything all day, then got drunk and of course binged and purged. I need to loose wait by Saturday I have tooo. I purged in a trash bag because I couldn't go to a bathroom because my family's home. How embarrassing is that. I hope I got most of it out. Purging makes me feel empty but honestly it doesn't really work. If anything it just helps me maintain.

My brother who is home for the week is always on my case. He doesn't like how I'm always in my room and how I sleep till noon. Sorry I'm not perfect!!!

I want to purge more actually I want to fucking cut but I can't because a boy is going to see me naked this weekend so ya

Fuck me. Ugh. I hate myself.

My eating disorder is like an abusive boyfriend. I feel so good without it in the long run but for I love it. He's addicting.

Why can't I cut without it leaving any scars

Why can't I cry with no one listening
Why can't I eat and not get fat
Why can't I be pretty like all those girls
Why can't I stick up for myself
Why am I so fucked up?
I think I'm better but I'm fucking not. I'm insane. I'm not in the right mind.

I need to lose weight and get rid of my acne and get whiter teeth so I'll be pretty and guys will like me. Or maybe just maybe I'll like me. Can I just like me?

Holy fuck I want to cut I want to cut.

I should of done Molly tonight maybe I wod feel better.

I hate this person I am. Someone please help me. Get this person away from me. I hate her.

Don't you get it? I can't stand me. I hate me. I'm ugly and awful and I suck.

I wish I was beautiful. And skinny. Why do girls that are mean get to be pretty and tan? Why do I not get that.

I'll always be just kaci. The redhead. Nothing special. Always nothing special.

Why does the world make me hate myself? Why was I so forced in my brain that it's not okay to love me.