So why do I have to settle? A guys nice and sweet to me but I don't like him, and I'm bogus for not giving him a chance. I'm so used to taking whatever comes my way I'm sorry I don't want to do that. It's not like I think the guy is below me, he's nice just not what Im into.

It's funny because I know none of my friends would ever like him, but I should be with him. It's just dumb

I like assholes okay? I can't help it. Don't know why.

Honestly I don't know if I could even be in a vanilla relationship again. I like what I like too much.

My double life.

I have sex with random men and let them hurt me and leave bruises on me and basically rape me.

I claim I like it but I don't know if I do. I just for once feel something. 

I gained all the weight I lost. I miss mynor so much, I'll never talk to him again.