sister caught me purging today. talk about awkward. she told my parents. she also said that she thinks PT made me start doing it. lol alright.
just bingedd hella. brownies, chips, and mac and cheese. purged in the shower. thats prob my new spot.
buuuuuuut, i'm going to stop b/ping. (lol well ima try) for real hardcore. i hate it. everytime i do it im just like "yuck food" but then 5 hours later BAM i do it all again.
jgsidojfisfhjsi. why can't I just be skinny like all the other girls? like honestlyy i wish i didnt have to work for this shit. i wish i was just perfect.
the girls i use to look at and think there skeletons now look like fucking goddess's to me. I guess when someone called me out on that today it kinda made me realize that my perception of beautiful has been fucked up.
ask me a couple of years ago if I would wanna look like some of those girls I would of said "hell no, there to skinny." but now all i see is beauty, pure perfection. with there thigh gaps and there flat tummys. I prob look like a lesbo just admiring all the skinny girls I see but its whatever.
my tummy hurts from purging too much, i feel like dizzy. i mean i usually feel dizzy but usually it stops, but it hasn'tt. hopefully ill die or sumtin LOLZJK DOO.
sister is right now lecturing me about PT as I'm typing this. nigga she trippin
so carlton texted me wanting to hang outt idk what to say... i dont really want too. maybe i should just throw out the cold shoulder? i mean hey its summer i dont have to see him anymore. if i hang out with im gonna do shit with him. everyone i talk to about it with other people there just like "dont do it" but i cant.
i have cuts all over my legs too not attractive.
kkkkkk im done here man byeee!bl
Ahhhhhh, your sister caught you? What happened? Anything incredibly terrible come out of it? I'm sorry, I know how shitty that is to watch someone catch you do something dumb with food lolol.
ReplyDeleteSamesies. It's whatever though, beauty is what beauty is to you, not anyone else. I have the same perception as you. Probably not the greatest thing since we're both fucked up, but you're not alone!
PS stop cutting, you're beautiful and ruining your skin!
Ouchhh, has anything else happened with your 'rents/sister?
ReplyDeleteHa, same heree. I used to agree with my friends about what was "too skinny", but now they think I'm mega queer when we talk about it.
They might think I have a fucked up perception of what's pretty, but at least the people on here agree with me. :D
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@kristen, the only thing she did was tell my parents. bogus but it's whatever. my mom actually said to me "you should try dieting with me, then you wouldn't have to make yourself throw up!" haha thanks mom. and yeah I'm trying to stopp, really hardcore this time. i always end up rellapsing but ima try to break that cycle. :)
ReplyDelete@jessie, not much else happened, just my parents have been making me come downstairs and shit. theyve been doing that for awhile now because "i get trapped in my thoughts when im by myself" lol w.e. and I know trust me. it really is just werid how the girls I use to think needed to eat a cheeseburger now look like goddesses. oh well. lol.