Tuesday, May 29, 2012

welp

at least i'm not pregnant

i hate periods. but im glad i started because i was almost a week late.

i've gained like six/seven pounds. i can't even remember the last day wheree i didn't binge.

my uncles wake is today and funeral is tomorrow. i should probably get ready for that.

Friday, May 25, 2012

lol

so danny gets all mad that i went out to lunch with my friends but not him.

what he doesn't know that i can easily excuse myself to the bathroom with them to go purge but with him i cant do that.

i went to a chinease buffet and sat down and ate and then went to the bathroom and purged everything and sat back down like nothing happened.

danny can see through my lies which is why it's just safer not to eat around him.

oh if only he knew, if only he knew.

i want to cut. i already cut this week. i need to fill out my little diary card thing.

why am i so fnrngiurng

i wanna drink.

Monday, May 21, 2012

im so disgusting

and i hate myself but hey whats new.

ugh. it's summer so i should try not to give a fuck.

i just wish i wasn't me.

tomorrow since i've been binging so much and trying to fast is just making things worse i'm gonna eat 800 calories.

eggs in the morning up to 200 calories.

ill plan what else i'll eat through out the day.

i want to cut. wah.

i want to die.

dying > living

i think i'll try to go to sleep now

Monday, May 14, 2012

how can i be so happy one day and so sad the next?

i'm falling apart. why is it when everything starts to go good in my life i still feel so shitty?

i took my brothers adderal to stay up and do homework and shit but i ended up only sleeping for an hour which is not good because i have to get up in less than two hours.

i have so much anxiety though it's killing me.

i just want to sleep. i want to cut so bad that it's killing me.

most of all I just want to kill myself. honestly at this point if it wasn't for danny i would. i love him <3

Sunday, May 13, 2012

i don't even wanna get better anymore,

i just want to sleep all day and binge and purge. i don't care about anything else.

i went to prom last night. it was kind of boring. but i enjoyed spending time with danny.

i have so much homework i need to do and i don't feel like doing it. i don't ever go to school which is why but frankly i don't give a fuck anymore. i have one week left. i'm gonna go this full week then im done. im just gonna go sleep everyday.

my scale says i'm losing weight but i sware it's broken. i have not been eating well and it says i barely weigh 120. i would weigh myself on my moms scale but idk where it is. i don't think my parents know i have my own.

when i get my next paycheck i think i'm gonna buy a digital one. idc if it's like 30 bucks.

i have so much stuff to do and i don't wanna do it. i just wanna go to sleep. i hate everyone and everything.

it's been a month since i cut. you don't know how bad i miss it.

i'm almost to the point where i don't even wanna go to therapy anymore. i just wanna let this shit kill me.

my therapist is gonna be angry when she finds out i'm not even putting into any effort of getting better. honestly i don't gibe a fuck.

thats it i guess. i'll try to write more since i've been slacking.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

blech.

my life is such a mess. i don't feel like doing anything. i don't feel like talking, walking, or even breathing.

i hate school. i hate work. i just want to sleep.

binge purge is my life. fuck. i just wanna sleep.

i need to stop eating. i need to stop eating. i need to stop eating.

i hate this person that i am. i'm disgusting. literately i gross myself out. i just don't want anything to do with me anymore.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

not cutting is tough.

i just dont want danny to think im a freak.

having an eating disorder is fucking exhausting. binge purge restrict repeat. ugh.

someone fix me. please. i should be happy. why arent i happy?

i'm officially diagnosed with an eating disorder and borderline personality disorder. sweet.

ughfuighidufgd. what the frack.