random gibberish.

I'm sleeping on my floor tonight because were painting my room so we had to move everything out. it's gonna be pink :) ill take pics when its all done.

I gave my dad a hug today, and I just started balling my eyes out. I'm not sure why, I guess it was just everything built up inside me. I was embaressed, because I'm never really open with my dad. but eh, I needed the cry.

I've ate 150 calories today. If I'm not atleast 119 tomorrow I'm deff fasting.

I would like to lose 7 pounds by next week. crazy? probably. I start school the 17th and I want to be 113 putting me at a bmi of exactly 20.0. I feel like that would be a good way to start.

hopefully it's not to noticeable though that I lost that amount of weight in such a short time. my parents would kill me.

this one guy wont leave me alone. hes been texting me a lot and I always end up eventrully texting back. i dont like texting him because he always texts dirty and I always feel like I have to too. I sent him pics, you know the bad kind. I've done it before, so why would I say no this time? hes been blowing up my phone and I just haven't been texting back. thats how I solve the problem, by just not dealing with it.

I'm scared to tell guys no. thats why I try to not put myself in those situations when it's hard for me to say no. I haven't had sex. and I don't want too. it's going to hurt like a bitch, I'm too scared.

No guys would actually like me for me. I mean I guess it's highschool but all the dudes that I ever talk to all they talk about it doing things. I guess its because everyone knows me at school as the girl that can give two hour head. aoskdosdjsd.

the reason why I did that? because I can't say no. I didn't wanna be like "okay I'm stopping now" I'm to scared... I'm scared he wont like me anymore.

I crave attention so bad it's sickening. I've done some really mest up stuff for just someone to call me pretty.

I'm hungry, but I don't deserve to eat. I need to be so skinny and just shrivel up and die. but I'll always be a fat ass so I doubt thats gonna happen.