so I got a lot of good gifts. vans, toms, kindle, northface, curling iron, and 100 dolla from my gramps.
dad took my cigs again because my douche of a brother gave them to him.
i had a good christmas i suppose. I've gained which is shit because I got down to like 116. Tomorrow I'm going shopping which will burn hella calories and also I'm going to restrict.
I'm very sleepy. I'm not happy either, I'm never happy though.
I hate being like this all the time, I just want for once to be happy. but my eating disorder takes that away from me....
i've been thinking about recovery but I'm just still in denial and I just wouldnt know where to start. it's so messy I don't even wanna deal with it. change is scary. I just can't.
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