I'm not okay.

I'm binged for like four days straight. I feel so big, I'm sure I've gained like a million pounds but I'm too scared to weigh myself.

I feel, I don't know. I can't tell you how I feel about myself. I hate being me, yes.
I want to die, but do I really? Who knows.

I've been wanting to cut so bad but I haven't. thats a good thing.

i wish I never had to drink or smoke or anything. I wish I made friends with good church going people who don't even cuss. i don't care about being popular.

I would be happy then. I would have god.
i could have god now but I care too much about what people think about me to do anything about it.

I need change. I need something positive. I don't know what to do. I can't wait till wedensday so I can talk to my therapist. I feel so positive when I go to her but then a day later I feel like shit.

I want to live and be happy. I want to do it. I'm going to do it.


I want to be fucking happy.