things I want to accomplish in therapy.
- I want to learn to be content.
- I want to be okay with myself.
- I want to not have so much anxiety.
- I want to stop cutting (maybe!)
- suicidal thoughts=no more.
things I don't know if I want to change.
- I'm not ready to let go of my ED. as much as I hate it.
- I'm not going to quit drinking and smoking.
- don't know about cutting.lol.
- Don't know if I'll stop "promiscuous" behavior.
She wanted me to go to inpatient treatment for cutting. I told her I didn't want too. Yeah I'm addicted to cutting. and I guess it would be great to "stop" but not yet. All my mom said about it was "you need to stop doing that" god she doesn't understand.
I fasted yesterday! oddly that was the first time I ever did. I was really proud of myself actually. I had 260 calories today, only supposed to have 250, but I had a Popsicle, I was really craving food, and It was only 15 calories and I was at 245 for the day.
I think I'm going to have a talk with carlton tonight. Just about some shit. this kid named casey told me that he said awhile ago he didn't like me anymore cuz I told people we were dating. I deff never said that. wow. I don't know how to bring that up though. I don't know what me and him are. he says he likes me, but I don't know if I believe him. he says he cant wait to be my boyfriend. I don't know dude! I know I'm going to do stuff with him<-------------cool I'm a slut! whoopdefuckingdo. I don't care. I couldn't give two shits about life, so lets fuck it up more. And Idk. I guess I'm just gonna try to talk to him tonight and I'll let you know how it went tomorow.
I'm still so fucking fatt :( goddamn. I hate this shit. I feel like a god damn umpa loompa. djnsdiunsdicsad. fuckk just kill me man. k im done. duecessss.
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