why can't I stop eating?

all i do is eat. fucking eat and eat and eat. im stuffed. when I think about foods I get grossed out like legit I do not want to eat. but when I start eating, I can't stop. ugh. Im stuffed. and I cant even puke because someone will hear me. i hate my fucking fat ass self. god im gonna gain so much weight. seriously I NEVER WANT TO EAT AGAIN. god. FUCK. like literately in the shittiest mood. I just wanna cut.............:/ idk. maybe just a lil bit? it might make me feel better. ive been doing so good though...ugh. idk. i think i might. i deserve it.................... :( whatever. im done. my fat self can just go die or somthin. kbye.