i love lmfao <3
anyways, I'm having my party tomorrow, bout to get to fucked up. sucks because I have to wake up at like 6 am and go to a parade for dance. dance blows, but hey i would be super fat if i didnt do it. its my workout for everyday.
my mom makes me cry. she tells me how much she hates her life and how much she wants to die. she says she has nothing to live for. she makes me just wanna curl up in a ball and cry.
my parents got in a big fight today which triggerd me to cut myself. idk why it bothers me, I should just be used to it by now. I dont really think about it that often but my family is really messed up. were al just living. we dont like eachother. were hanging on by a thread. we have debt coming out of our asses and me and my mom have mental disorders. my sister hates my mom for not being there when she needed her. my dad is literately doing everything he can to keep a fake smile on. my brothers dont live with us, and my brother daniel doesnt want anything to do with us. our house is a shit hole. yeah its big, but its so messy. my mom has not been able to function ever since my cat benny died. its just fucked up. my family is not happy. were all just waiting to either leave the house, or die.
i wanna be happy. ive realised today that the reason why I have so much self hatred is because of other people. Isnt that fucked up? Its called self hatred because it comes from yourself. but for me, other people have made me hate myself. because I was teased, because my friends were so much prettier than me, because my friends could eat whatever they want and never gain weight, because my friends always had a boy that liked them, because my friends were so neat and proper, and I was so messy and unorganized, because they all played sports and I didn't, because there house was always clean, because there mommy's made there lunches, because I said things when I wasn't supposed to, because I didn't always get new clothes, because my hair was red, because I was pale, because I was raised from a strict family, because I grew up faster, because I was different.
since I wasnt like everyone else. things that common people shared, i didn't share. Ive tried to be like someone else for so long I dont know who I am. I was made fun of for that. society told me "Hey,you dont look/act/think like the rest of us, so your not worthy of love" so I wasn't aloud to love myself.
I'll never be perfect. I'll never be like everyone else. I'll never meet the worlds expectations. So why should I be against myself since so many other people are?
because society wants me to be like everyone else.
I just need to learn to love myself<------------------------hahahahaha. thats a funny joke.
but really, I need to stop living by the worlds expectations and figure out my own.
now all I have to do is find out how to do that.........
anyways, I'm having my party tomorrow, bout to get to fucked up. sucks because I have to wake up at like 6 am and go to a parade for dance. dance blows, but hey i would be super fat if i didnt do it. its my workout for everyday.
my mom makes me cry. she tells me how much she hates her life and how much she wants to die. she says she has nothing to live for. she makes me just wanna curl up in a ball and cry.
my parents got in a big fight today which triggerd me to cut myself. idk why it bothers me, I should just be used to it by now. I dont really think about it that often but my family is really messed up. were al just living. we dont like eachother. were hanging on by a thread. we have debt coming out of our asses and me and my mom have mental disorders. my sister hates my mom for not being there when she needed her. my dad is literately doing everything he can to keep a fake smile on. my brothers dont live with us, and my brother daniel doesnt want anything to do with us. our house is a shit hole. yeah its big, but its so messy. my mom has not been able to function ever since my cat benny died. its just fucked up. my family is not happy. were all just waiting to either leave the house, or die.
i wanna be happy. ive realised today that the reason why I have so much self hatred is because of other people. Isnt that fucked up? Its called self hatred because it comes from yourself. but for me, other people have made me hate myself. because I was teased, because my friends were so much prettier than me, because my friends could eat whatever they want and never gain weight, because my friends always had a boy that liked them, because my friends were so neat and proper, and I was so messy and unorganized, because they all played sports and I didn't, because there house was always clean, because there mommy's made there lunches, because I said things when I wasn't supposed to, because I didn't always get new clothes, because my hair was red, because I was pale, because I was raised from a strict family, because I grew up faster, because I was different.
since I wasnt like everyone else. things that common people shared, i didn't share. Ive tried to be like someone else for so long I dont know who I am. I was made fun of for that. society told me "Hey,you dont look/act/think like the rest of us, so your not worthy of love" so I wasn't aloud to love myself.
I'll never be perfect. I'll never be like everyone else. I'll never meet the worlds expectations. So why should I be against myself since so many other people are?
because society wants me to be like everyone else.
I just need to learn to love myself<------------------------hahahahaha. thats a funny joke.
but really, I need to stop living by the worlds expectations and figure out my own.
now all I have to do is find out how to do that.........
In your last post, I do the same thing. My parents are divorced, and my dad is skitso and bipolar and every time we go to visit him he and mom or he and his mother or just his mother(mainly) trigger me into cutting. And then it is noticed and i get "talked to" about it. All of my friends are perfect too, and although I do compare myself to them A LOT I don't think I've never really been jealous of them. Thanks for the new perception of self-hatred. And, for the record, I think red hair is beautiful, and I also am extremely pale...
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