Well I just got home from Florida from chuch camp. I've realized how much I do truly love god.
I'm always running away from him because I feel like I'll never be good enough for him. I know I still do bad things, but I'm working on it. All I want to do is just praise him.
I've gained so much weight! I'm 124 and was a whopping 127 the day I came back. WTF. I'm sick of bingeing and purging. I just need to be strong. I know I can do it. It's just going to take some will power. I'm going to fast. Deff tomorrow. It's just do hard cuz things always come up, but I'm just gonna have to stick through it. I hate food. It's so gross. All I wanna do is just be thin.
I relapsed on cutting. It sucks. It's taking control over me..... I don't know what to do anymore.
I passed my drug test my parents gave me. So suck on that mom & dad.
I have therapy on Tuesday. Yippee, its not with my regular girl though, so I'm not too excited.
I just want to die. I don't know why I haven't killed myself yet. I hate life. I just want to go to heaven with Jesus.
I'll write tomorrow. Hopefully my fast goes well. Byeeeee
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