same shit differnt day.

well didn't end up going to the appointment today, I'm going next monday I suppose. oh wells. I'm starving. I've ate 100 calories today, and tomorow I can only have 50. yikes. whatevers. I had dance practice today and a lot of the girls there complimented me on how much I've lost. It made me feel good. I don't know what to say to them when they ask "How did you lose it all?"  lol. What if I was just like "Oh you know, restricting like crazy, rarely eating over 500 calories, and then once in awhile I purge. nbd." lmfao. you know how shocked they would be? haha. I love to shock people. Those girls are all super skinny. I guess it's some good thinspration. Carlton has been texting me a lot more lately, you know that one guy I hooked up with and the whole school found out? lol. I don't know, it seemed like he just hit and quit and that was that. so I was just like you know whatever, im gonna play hard to get. so i did, and wahh la hes texting me again. I like him, but he's black, and you know people judge. whatever. I don't wanna do anything with him again though. idk. at least not for awhile, I have a whole bunch of cuts on my legs, he might think I'm kinda odd if he goes down on me 0.o. lol. I guess I'm in a okay mood today. I'm just really hungry, I'm trying to stay busy though and not think of food too much. And I haven't been. I guess I'm learning to embrace my hunger, as fucked up as that sounds. blah, fuck e.d's, this shit is taking over my life. But I'm still fat, so I can't "recover" what ever the hell that means. well, I'm done here, maybe I'll write tomorow? who knows, I need to start writing more. see ya!