I let myself get sad tonight

Today would of been me and my exes two year anniversary.

I let myself reminisce in get sad over him because I literately never do. It's been six months since we broken up. I don't know if I'm over him or not really. I couldn't tell you. I think I just miss having a boyfriend.

I haven't spoke to him since the break up. I do want him to know however that I'm doing well and that I'm losing weight and I want him to see me and be like damn she looks good what was I thinking. Does that mean I'm not over him? Who knows. I'm pretty sure he like hates me. His friends do that's for sure.

I want him to be jealous. I don't know that's why I wonder if I really am over him at times. I wish I could have sex with him one last time, lol. We don't even talk though. I doubt well ever talk again.

I keep all these feelings about him hidden because I don't like to open up this wound. Of course I think about him daily but I don't sit there and focus on him and really try to figure out what went wrong. Tonight I thought I should since it would of been 2 years today. It's crazy to think I was that girl two years ago. I'm so different now.... It's crazy how much things change.

I've grown up yes. I feel like I've changed though. I don't know if it's in a negative way or in a positive way. I'm just... Different then I was then.

I wish he would just text me and ask me how I'm doing. Did I mean that little to him? He used to tell me how he would check up on his ex to see how she was doing when we first started dating. He was obviously not over her. Is he over me? I'm sure he is. We both fell out of love. Hell I don't think I ever was in it and neither was he. We were like fire and gasoline. We weren't good together. Two very different people.

I honestly was just so desperate I was just happy a boy was giving me attention. Which he barely even did.

Why can't I just find someone that's close to my age and cares about me.

There's this guy I met on the internet who I've talked to for awhile who is just so fond of me. He is just intrigued and interested in me. Problem is he lives in Iowa and even bigger problem is that he's 40. Lol.

Ha I know my life is pathetic. I want to hook up with this Raymond guy really bad but last time he asked me to come inside I turned him down so I don't know if he'll ask me again. Lol.

And I'm still talking to mynor but he's an asshole so yeah I kinda want to sleep Raymond just to rub it in his face. Actually I wouldn't tell him but just the satisfaction of knowing I did would be good enough.

Mynor is so fucking sexy though let me tell you. He's 23 and has a really good job and has a bachelor degree and he wears suits OMG like why would I not get so attached to him.

Well anyways I am and I don't think he gives that much of a shit about me but whatever it is what it is.  I guess I just shouldn't care. I don't know I kinda want to end things with him before I get too attached but omg I like him so much

Lol wait wasn't I supposed to be beig sad over my ex Danny right now...... Lmao didn't last long. Maybe that's my answer if I'm over him or not lol. Oh welllllllllll goodnight y'all