havent gone to school for two days

lol i hate school

and i hate life.

i think this medicine might be fucking me up. idk. i've just been really depressed and suicidal lately and i've been binging and purging way more. i've been thinking more and more about suicide.

my relationship with danny is turning unhealthy. he's almost like a drug. i need to step back from him. like imagining him leaving my life would just fucking kill me.

why did he have to fucking take my virginty? if we were to never have sex i would not be feeling like this. ugh. fuck.

i just want to be a virgin again. don't get me wrong i love sex but shits not even worth it. why the fuck am i so stupid?

i just wanna go throw up more. my stomach and throat hurts so bad but i'm probably gonna b/p again later. because thats all i wanna do. i might exercise at 2. i go to work at 4.

i don't give a fuck if i'm hurting myself. in fact i want to hurt myself. i'm gonna fast tomorrow. i'll be fine.

why am i so fucking sad? wtf? i just want to cut. i think danny would break up with me if i cut. isn't that kind of fucked up? he doesn't understand but i dont expect him too. he's a guy.

he thinks i don't have any reason to be upset and in reality i don't. its just the way i was born. i've always been unhappy technically. i was scared of everyone when i was younger and always shy. i never wanted to leave the house. I'm still like that. I feel like everyone is going to hurt me, not physically, just emotionally.

sometimes it makes me wonder if somthing happened in my childhood that i don't remember to why I've always been like that. idk. maybe it's cuz of my mom. always putting stuff in my head. idk.

i wasn't raped or molested. i was never abused. i should be happy. but I'm not. I'm fucking not.

i'm just a whiny little bitch bitching about stupid shit. cool i have an eating disorder. cool i'm fucked up in the head. lets throw a cry fest party for me. omg i'm fucking pathetic.

words can't describe how much i hate myself. fuck this shit.