Is good one day and shit the next day.
Today was okay I ate normally, I didn't feel bad about it until now. I've restricted most of last week and binged and purged Saturday.
This is really awkward and weird to say but my eating disorder is like my boyfriend.
When I was dating someone I was pretty much recovered from my eating disorder. I still had slip ups but it was probably about 80% better. Now that I've been single for about four months, shit has hit the fan and I've been relapsing like a mother fucker.
When I'm not experiencing attention from a boy, I'm experiencing attention from my eating disorder.
Fuck my borderline persinality tendancies that make it impossible for me to be happy alone.
I want to lose weight but I want to do it in a healthy way. Every time I try to diet I just end up restricting. It's all black or white to me. If I eat a healthy amount I look at it as too much and decide to eat twice the healthy amount.
My anxiety has been bad lately. My heart hurts like my chest is literately in pain. I keep on replaying the stupid things I said this past week again and again. Ugh it never stops.
I want to cut so badly.
I'm the same girl as I was three years ago. It sucks.
I want to get better and then again part of me doesn't. It's messed up.
Honestly I wish I could just lay in bed for the rest of my life.
I need a friend. Email me. Kacibayley@yahoo.com
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