haven't been on this forever

because my life has been pretty good.

Me and danny broke up but got back together. still not sure how I feel about that situation.

I'm about 139. the old me would probably want to kill myself about this.

i'm not happy about it no. But i'm doing it the healthy way.

I gave up fast food completely.

I guess it's all about balance with me. I would not eat at all or eat 3 days worth of food.

I'm learning every thing is okay in moderation. I count calories sometimes but find that it's best not too. some days I get obsessive but I move past it.

Some days I feel bad for eating something but again I'm able to get past it.

It's sad to say that getting a boyfriend is really the reason why I've been happier and changing my life. Because honestly I'm really scared that when we break up I'm just gonna go down the tube again. Which is why you should never depend on a boy for happiness. It's very dangerous. but... I did.

Honestly I knew I was never gonna get confidence from myself. I had to get it from someone else showing me affection. Thats probably not very healthy.

When me and danny broke up I literately felt like my whole worlds fell apart. I didn't wanna move eat or breathe. It really scared me. Of course we started dating again. He bought me a teddy bear and new shoes and yada yada yada.

Since this happened, I'm trying to teach myself not to be so clingy. Like last night I really had to stop myself. I get so needy like it's disgusting. I just want to be wanted so bad.

thats when I start to question....am I love with him or the idea of him?

am I only with him because he's like therapy to me?

I think I love him. I mean this whole time before we broke up I knew I loved him. But when we broke up I wasn't so sure. I was so....hurt. angry. sad. I don't know. too many emotions. I didn't cut. I didn't eat that day though.

I wanna be with danny. I do. In fact I want to spend the rest of my life with him and have kids and raise them in a happy house.


Thats what I think I want........but do i?

I keep on second guessing myself. a big part is telling me I shouldn't be with him. But I can't and don't want to let him go.

maybe I'm obsessed/addicted to him. idk.

I don't know what to do at this point. I'm damned if I do damned if I don't.

I wanna be with him. but I feel like it might be all fake. like I'm not with him for the right reasons.

I have no idea what I should do. I guess just keep on keepin on.