David

I'm confused on who I am, and who I want to be.
What is right, what is wrong.
Why does it feel right and feel wrong at the same time?
I know the norm but what if the norm is wrong?
Or what if I'm just telling myself that to make me feel better.
All I know is I feel like shit.
I'm sore.
I think I love him, or I want to, or I'm just extremely infatuated.
He claims he cares but really I'm just a toy to him. Something to make his ego stronger.
I'm not as stupid as I seem. I feel so inferior and like a little girl to him.

But it's fine.. I guess.

What should I do what should I do. I dream of suicide.

Maybe I should just focus everything on getting skinny. I don't wanna deal with anything else.

I hate him actually. But god I want him. I crave him. I need him.

I hate him. I thought I wanted him to have that control but I don't.

Oh David...