then i realized i went over my limit by 118 calories because i did the fucking math wrong.
so you know what i did? I binged. because 618 calories was too much for the day, so my all or nothing thinking tells me it's too late now might as well binge.
i was planning on having my binge day tomorrow but im prob gonna change that. idk. god i'm fat.
i hate the world. i hate everyone. i hate myself. i hate everyone for making me hate myself.
I just wish i could be a better person. I'm sick of hating myself. I don't even know what it feels like to like myself, because I don't think I ever have.
But then again I don't want to get better. I don't want to try to get better. If there was a simple button I could push that would make me happy and no eating disorder, i would push it. but theres not. it involves work. and I don't want to work at it. I don't want to go out of my comfort zone. maybe I need too......
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