It's bad again

It's getting bad again

I pretended like I was okay and what I was doing was okay because it wasn't really me. It's that other side of me.

But I admitted everything to my counselor and it felt so real. It was me. This IS me. What I'm doing isn't normal and isn't okay. It's dangerous and it doesn't fix anything.

So I go back to my eating disorder because hell always take me back with open arms right? Of course as long as I follow his rules.

I always have to have something. I can't deal with my problems if I don't have something. Whether it be cutting, boys, eating disorder, alcohol, drugs, whatever. When I have that something all my thoughts are wrapped around that

Not what a pathetic piece of stupid fat shit I am. I'm so fucking lazy. I sleep all the fucking time. I can't even fucking do my homework because I'm such a piece of fucking shit. I'm depressed. I'm anxious I'm fucking psychotic.

I'm so hideous and I'm so stupid and I'm awkward and no one will ever truly love me because who is this person they are even loving I don't know who she is and when I try to find her she's hiding because it's not safe to be who you really are

I wish I could hide in my room forever.

Please someone kill me.