I'm obsessed with suicide

I find myself everyday trying to look up ways on how to do it constantly reading up.

I'm always thinking about it. Always.

I've relapsed. I binged today because I've been so hungry from restricting. Back to the cycle.

I hate my life. So so so much.

I would love to go to inpatient but because outpatient isn't enough. But I'm broke and don't have health insurance.

It's not like I haven't tried to look for help because I have. theres not much else to say.