just feel like crying tonight.

i don't like where my life is heading. i'm a mistake.

i'm 130-135 lbs.

ive relapsed on cutting.

i'm obsessed with my boyfriend.

i keep on thinking i'm happy but i'm not. it's all a lie. i'm putting a fake smile on.

i'm so disgustingly fat. it's so gross. i'm so gross. i just want to die.

god i'm disgusting.

I'm depressed

I feel like Danny's going to leave me. I'm so clingy and needy. I just want him to never leave me.


I love him so much. If he left me I would kill myself. No joke. He's the only reason why I've been happy.

What if he leaves me? What will I do?

I love him so much. ❤

so i guess ive realized what im doing

i'm taking a break. i haven't been going to group. i dread going to indivual. my therapist is gonna be disapointed but honestly i dont care.


i guess you could say im happy. idk. im not sure what i am. i dont care.

i dont care about anything just taking life as it comes.

i don't know who i am anymore.

i don't wanna talk about my eating disorder. i'm so sick of talking about it. of thinking about it. It always being there.

i like life. i do. im just....exhausted. i feel indifferent.

i love danny, he's my number one. we've only been dating for five months and maybe because he took my virginity but i love him. i care about him so much.

libby and jennie and katie are my best friends now. i like hanging out with them. i know deep down i miss my old friends but im not gonna admit that to myself, of course not.


i'm just so confused about life and all in all i don't care. school starts in a month. i'm sure hell will break free again.

relapsing.

im back. was recovering for a bit but I don't want to recover as of now.

i need to get skinny. im up to 130. thats horrid. im restricting.

ive been actually pretty happy this summer until of now.

school starts in exactly one month, what joy.

its whatever

i'm just trying to live my life.

i've been gone for so long.

my life right now is a mess. i went to church camp and felt really close to god but i can already feel myself falling. i wish someone would catch me.

i don't want to get better anymore. i'm sick of this recovery bullshit. i'm fatter and uglier than ever before.

i'm restricting tomorrow.

i've changed. i just want to die. dealing with life gets so old sometimes ya know?

danny such a great guy. were still together. i thought he would leave me by now. I'm sure he will eventrully.

he gets all pissed because i hang with my friends. i used to stop hanging with my friends cuz of him now i am making time for both. im sorry i need to find balance in my life.

i can't stop having sex with danny which is really the whole reason i was falling away. ugh. i'm sorry.

i want my phone i left it in dannys car. wahh.

welp

at least i'm not pregnant

i hate periods. but im glad i started because i was almost a week late.

i've gained like six/seven pounds. i can't even remember the last day wheree i didn't binge.

my uncles wake is today and funeral is tomorrow. i should probably get ready for that.